14th July 2010

I have of late been experiencing what I could call lapses... well at least I thought they were lapses... I wanted to document them but was too under the clouds to type!!  But yesterday things got better... I tried I actually made an effort to feel better... then things started to go my way and for the first time in 5 days (?)....I felt better... I got the afternoon off, and I didn’t even manage to do the stuff I wanted to  do BUT I ended up fixing something else which was really cool cause now I have that fixed which is super cool!!! Then I thought about doing what I got the time off for, but something just felt off, so I drove around for a bit, got some deli meats came home and fried... I tried to get some alcohol but didn’t manage... went to the next shop and got just the right thing, right price... and it was sooo smooth, (it was vodka; I don’t normally like hard drinks). I could hardly taste it!  I loved it!  It was soo perfect... then later that night it was like the first time in the 5 days I actually felt good. I mean really good.

I did my meditations and stuff, and this morning was cool; I actually spent some time actually listing stuff I liked, a little time not too much. I was having a little difficulty with someone I know, listed her negative aspect for a while and well you know how that ended up. ...

This morning I went off to work it started okay enough and the day was generally good... nothing special though, just normal... then I got this discount which was cool, really cool then later I got a lift, which was also...oh yeah... and during the day I got a message that I had missed to make a certain appointment and it worked out really well and very extremely easily... amazing... then I got my lift, went to a super market  and I thought about getting some alcohol and it was interesting , saying ‘no’ was not as hard as I thought. I am at home and have had extremely little alcohol. J!!!!  And that was very extremely cool.. I know I will understand the coolness tomorrow.. I will appreciate it. 

Also, I have some friends there’s A who sometimes depresses me----- a lot!!!  A whole lot... then there’s B who is okay, it is just that sometimes, like this afternoon, and now I think about her and I get shortness of breath with some dread..... Some dread.... that I am feeling right now... NOW A and B want to get together this weekend... in fact... B specifically asked me if A could come along.... which is cool I almost feel like just getting the two of them together  and just leaving me out of it... cause honestly I am extremely feeling a lot of shortness of breath, with dread..... It is Wednesday, not Saturday... i cannot decide for then... anyway, the good things about B is that she has an apartment and can house A  so that solves that problem...i am aware that all this will be  well. I know that all this will be well. All this will be well....  all this will be well... it will solve itself on it’s.....

This will be well...