Mmmhhh! Interesting

I for the last month have been really worried about money, and I mean really really worried. So I devised ways and means physical and non-physical ways to make this money come into my life. And it is weird because the more I was worried about money the more I didn’t have money and in fact my money dwindled almost completely. I was worried, it got worse I got to a place that I had no love in my life, all the things I thought brought me joy seized to do so! That was shocking to me; I thought I could derive joy from watching a fly flirting its wings!!!! Men, I thought I was super god! So here I was sad, depressed, pissed at the whole world, the whole freaking world!!!!!!
So now when I notice it is the whole world I begin to realise that it is in fact ME! The problem is with me. ME! Not the whole world, just me.

So it becomes clear that things have to change. I have to find a way to love me again. I have to find a way to love money again; I have to find a way to accept that ALL THAT IS has my wellbeing at hear. It took a while but I am in the vicinity of love. I am in the vicinity of self acceptance; I am in the vicinity of happiness again. I now know that all this will be well. Isn’t all this wonderful!!!

Free stuff

I just go me a free T-Shirt oh and a Cap! Oh and the trip was cancelled (woo hoo! and the thing with the people I didn't want to do? Well they sort of cannot do it too!!! WOO HOO!!!!

I was in Rage/Hatred

Yes, I was in rage/hatred. I felt it very very very intensely and I didn't even know. I was in rage. I felt some serious anger, and I felt it very very vividly and I didn't even know it was happening. All this time I thought I was in anger. So the processes I was doing were based on the fact that, I thought I was angry. That is interesting. Very very interesting. I was wondering why revenge felt good, better, easier. I had wondered why revenge felt better. But there was still anger below it so I had been wondering.... anyhoo, at this point, not much to do but meditate for tonight that is the thing I can do. I cannot remember any of the processes and I know if I don't do this right, I will still be here.

I had tried doing some virtual reality, focus wheel but nothing seemed to help. I don't know, I am not sure how to deal with rage when speaking with the Sedona Method, but this is the place that I am in.


On the good side, I am alone again. I got to enjoy some of the things I enjoy while I am alone, like telly, and I guess the internet and some music... I walked this evening to try and make me feel better... I had a few beers and honestly although that helped yesterday today it did nothing for me, in fact I am rather sober right now which, I consider all in all to be a good thing.

I am considering and I know that there are many people already that I know who are exactly here. Even 2 friends I consider to be good friends, I am understanding how they are feeling. And I know that if I intend one day to make a living out of this then I will have to find a solution to this. One thing that is working is pivoting but as soon as I was off the telly I started back to rage. You know the vibration being exactly where you left it. So now I must, I must talk it down. I must move up just a little bit, just a little bit. Even a tiny little bit will be sooo good.. OR I could just ignore it! I could just ignore it and all the reasons for it. I must ignore it and all the reasons why it is. I must look for a reason to be happy, or just feel a little better.

The reason I am here is because of me and NOW I must take me to a new place. This is very very extremely good for me. It is very extremely perfect for my growth, my happiness, my expansion and all things that I want.

Once again. All this will be well. All will be well. All is already well. I already am on the right track. Thank you JESUS!

Oh today

Today honestly it has ended and that is good. I have all these things that have happened to me today and still I feel really really bad. I feel very bad about where I am in life, about my work about the way I life, who I am... it all just feels bad. I want to just go home and stay there forever. I want just disappear from the world, not die or anything like that, mostly just not deal with other people. I just feel so angry at everyone about everything, I guess in some ways I feel as though I am pissed at all the ways I am feeling people are doing.

Now I am very aware that the more I think this, the more I will get of this so I am a little stuck, of sorts. So there...