Day 4

Here is me at the beginning of day four of my big as diet. Today though I noticed a small improvement, with the suite I am wearing today, not so much someone outside of myself would notice but it is good enough for me and I am happy. You see I knew for sure, I would notice some sort of change if I continued faithfully for 4 days, and I have been walking faithfully, (I even forwent going to the salon in order to walk this morning). So Things are good still. I’m still on the wagon.

I’ve been thinking about varying my diet, because it has been almost exactly the same for the last 4 days, adding some bananas sometimes but mostly not.... but maybe I should not, leave things as they are, though to be honest with you right now, I can feel myself sliding off the wagon a little, I just got paid and I want to CELEBRATE!!!! I want to pay off debts and have roast chicken and some Sangria for dinner! God please help me

Lunch

This is me this afternoon, am I being too much? (Probably) but you see I have spent the afternoon discovering many new things. first I discovered that something I thought I had, some money actually, I don’t have it and it is money I felt I really needed, so well with that disappointment I was really tempted to use food to make me feel better about my situation. so I just stood there, feeling really sorry for myself and imagining just how much better I would be feeling if only I could have something to eat! But I just stood there for a while and tried to thank God for this situation., and try to be really grateful for this situation, though it was not making me particularly happy, but it will just have to. I think though that this is for the best. even from a worldly point of view. there was a moment there that I really just wanted to give up and take a shot of whiskey. so well ‘thank you God for my new situation and thank you also that I did gorge my face because of this situation’

I had instant noodles and some water. according to the packet, it had 341 calories. but I didn’t walk like I said I would. I don’t know how that affects me. Will let you know.

Also my ultra tight dress from this morning fits better now.... mostly due to the fact that the seems are coming apart!

Life decisions

This is one of the pictures that convinced me to shift a little weight, that and all those clothes that refuse to fit!

I really must learn to make self portraits if this is to work at all!

Weight loss programme.

Diet

It is now day two of week 2 of the great big diet! So far so good, I have not cheated or overeaten or had anything outside my diet. I feel good, though it is only 10.14am of day 2 and this morning I had a shock when I realized that the dress I tried on last night specifically because I wanted to be sure it an outfit that fits and can therefore be worn this morning, turned out to be too small anyway. (I’m wearing it by the way). But that’s okay.

On the good side, I didn’t buy breakfast today, got a little tired of low-rent attitude and the extra fat I get from the restaurant I like, so it means I will be carrying breakfast from home, (I find it impossible to have breakfast at home, I’m not really sure why, maybe it’s cause I get hungry so quickly when I do. Saturday though, I had breakfast at ‘Java’ it was really perfect, I really like it there and the bread is also pretty cool. I’ll do that again if I can.

So today so far,
Breakfast
1.5 scones with jam
2 cups of coffee, 3 sugars each
1 small banana.

To be honest I don’t how many calories these are; I should try foods that I already know the calorie content because this guessing is just not helping and while it is not the gorging I normally do, still...

On exercise well this morning I walked again for about one hour. By the time I was in the office I was pretty exhausted and was considering the advantages of having a car and going to the gym. It is something I think about all the time, I think it is time I did something about it. Yesterday I walked for about 2.45 hours which is cool. For me I think it normally takes about 1 week for results of my weight loss, so this means that last week might not have been as effective as I thought. Why mainly because the clothes are still really tight, what I am working on at the moment is to ensure that I have more clothes to wear. I currently have 5 outfits for the weekday but that is not adequate, I don’t want to buy more because I don’t want to encourage me to keep this weight and well it’s expensive! I want to fit into the clothes I already have!!!

Week 1 in pics

This is me as I seriously contemplate the issue of loosing weight

Panic!

Help! A dress I tried on to make sure it fit for today is too tight this morning! I'll try again tomorrow, hopefully I will not discover an outfit that I have readied for work is too small! boo hoo hoo!

After noon

So I went for my walk this afternoon during the lunch hour. It went well for the most part. I could not help but notice my very ‘African’ as I walked by. It took a total of 45 minutes or there about. It sort of made me feel good, and I really felt like I could really keep with this routine, or at least something like it. I would like to take another photo of me this evening to gauge progress. I know it might not work very well to take photos everyday to monitor progress, but it is important for me to see what is going on. I think now that before when I said things were not that bad, I might have been mistaken, things are that bad. From a distance it is okay but up close, things are rather think!!!! It is time to yoyo the shrink!!

Making an effort

For the last 2 weeks I’ve been trying to make the effort in order to get the things that I want. I have spent a lot of time trying to bring it under control and failed rather miserably so now I am trying something new. So far the new thing is working well and I hope it will work better. I am also trying to loose a little weight. I took some pics of me yesterday and was a little surprised that I looked that fat, though at the time I thought I looked pretty okay. anyhoo this morning I walked for one hour, and I hope to do so in the evening and get some minutes in during the lunch hour. I am also going to try to eat less, drink more, exercise more, do more house work. I have small video that shows me at week one, but I’m too embarrassed to put it up. Anyways wish me luck.

Hot vs Not

Today I woke up not so hot. So now I have to do things that will make things better for me in terms of heat. I’m already taking coffee which helps every once a month, I am saying ‘thank you’ which helps in the releasing. I was releasing as I came to work in the morning and now finally I hooking myself up with some Abraham-Hicks. I am destined to have a good day today. If I was to add a little planning, I would have a productive day too!

Alive Again!

I feel alive again. Like I was reborn. Why, you might ask? Competition! I make it a conscious effort to run away from competition, all forms of hard work efforts and strains. This competition, a job interview was sort of forced on me, and I, being me, I could not hurt by saying ‘no’ so I went. Anyhoo, it was really great! I sat there and did my best, which was all anyone could ask me to do. I was happy with me and just happy in general. It is a great feeling!

Fear vs Desire

One of the main reasons why I am not doing what I want to be doing is because of fear. Fear at very many levels. What will people say, will they think of me. What if I fail, then what? Who will take care of me, my life in this society, already life is not particularly easy for me, and how will it be when I do this thing that I want.

Now I know there is a cure for this. It is relatively easy; all I have to do is concentrate on that thing that I want. That is all. Concentrate on that. It is as easy as that. Any time my fear comes I have to turn to that which I want, that which makes me feel better.

Planning

I have heard of the importance of planning. I have been trying my best, but to be honest I have never been very good at it. A guy I knew once gave me the best advice about planning I know that is practical enough for the bohemian in me to work with. He said if you plan generally enough and set the goal wide enough; giving your self enough space you will achieve your goal for sure. This works pretty well for me. In fact it has enabled me achieve quite a number of goals. Not the very important ones but well most of them.

This other guy said if you have goals have them where you will see them often. That I must admit always works for. I have achieved so many goals that way. Most without really even trying consciously (which by the way is my favorite way achieve goals). So now tonight, I have to restart. You know, put up all my goals, where I will see them often, and write the ones that I really want; the ones that make my heart pitah pattah.

Today!

Having made the decision to create a journey into what works I have done some. I made miniscule changes the results however have been amazing. I’m receiving happiness and contentment.

This step includes making lists of the things I want. That is the thing. Only thing, and to enjoy that!!!

Learnings

Today I am discovering that there really is more that I can do. I have lived, sort of in the dark, unconscious, sort of afraid of living, afraid of my passions, the things I wanted, running after people who do not care about me, generally running away from reality. To be honest, it is not really a bad life, it is okay, it is comfortable, things that are good do happen many surprises, but also to be honest, so do some bad things. I end up feeling sometimes that I could have more, be more, there is more, there is a better deal, there is more. I see others around me and see that they have more, and because I am not very different from them, I know that what they have I could have also. I am not so special that I can not have what they have, we are all the same and we all have the same potential, being human beings and all. So from this week I am trying to find out, to be better today than I was yesterday, trying to see how and when this will happen. Because believe me it will!!!!

Appreciation

Yesterday I spent a whole lot of time feeling sorry for me, you see I had not been paid, I reached home and found no electricity, I felt a alone, the man I had feelings for recently let me go..... But I started to feel better, (I have been spending a whole lot of time listening to Abraham-Hicks). Today, I got the sign that my pay (well some of it)would be paid today, I got my ‘gross dividend’, also during my lunch break I met a guy!!!! Isn’t life fabulous!!!! I’m going to make a bigger effort, letting for of the bottom of the stream and go with the flow.

Looking for somthing new

Today I have a small thing, I have people I work with who constantly tell me how to do my job. It is interesting because I never return the favour. They constantly remind me of the list of things I need to do. I have to admit that it really irritates me. But more than that I realise it is for my good, because at the moment I am striving to be 'EXCELLENT!' to be excellent I have to really good at what I do, which means that at all times, trying my best, in all the things that I do. I have to thank them, and thank God for bringing them into my life because without them I would not try a little harder, even if it is just to please them, which is silly, but it gets the job done and I still get excellent!

New Beginings

Well here it is again. I am here again. A little depressed a little disatisfied with my life. It is better though, I have been dry, and my last attempt to run after a man failed again, my last attempt to get pity failed again, I have to move out of a house soon and nothing seems to be working. I may have to move in with someone who I don't like to live with, I constantly get angry in the mornings.... .Don't get me wrong many things are working in my life, like I said, I have been dry this week, I have been eating just enough food for me, I found a place to live well sort of, I am rebegining to do things that work, I have friends I like, I feel as though I could be loosing a little weight so more clothes will fit(btw, yesterday in the evening I saw Judy, you know from primary shchool, and she was pretty big, and hippy, but she looked sooo gorgeous!!! gave me hope, this is just a thing but it is not new, being over weight that is.)

Today at work things are going okay, I watched that programme on get what you want and I am working harder here at work. I just got a call from the big man regarding my impending throw-out. Okay these are the rantings of a depressed woman, so basically nothing is new.