24 August 2010

This morning or rather yesterday ...I woke very very early at around 11.30pm and started cleaning up my apartment. I didn’t really intend to... but once I started, it was mostly fun and I managed to clean in the whole house and even wash the dishes that were slowly pilling up in my sink.

Something happened though when I was washing my bathroom. My bathroom is split into 2. There is the shower place and the toilet. The shower has a small barrier that prevents water from flowing onto the floor and into the other rooms but the toilet space does not. I think it is a very cool construction........ So as I was washing the toilet side of the bathroom, I was worried about the water flowing into the rest of the house. I thought that I would have to wipe off with a piece of cloth. And I didn’t want to because it would be tedious, and hard and I wanted something easier... and I wondered for a while.... then it came to me, I could use the mop... I have a mop and it is so much easier to use and much more fun and I would not even break a sweat, easy pizzy solution to a conundrum...

What is my point? My point is that before I started my project I had no solution, and even no idea that this problem would present itself. But the answer came just when I needed it... I came when it was necessary for it to come. I didn’t have to worry about it I didn’t have to program and prepare to prevent the problem, the solution came to me when I needed it, and the answer came to me when I needed it. ......

What is my point? (Again!!!) There is no need for me to worry, all this will be well, and I will find the answers to all the questions that I will have. Any problem that I will have, a solution to it will come to me. There is nothing to worry about... all this will be will.

18 August 2010

I have all these people in my life and I have different feelings towards them all most times... mostly because the feelings I have towards them, they are valid and come from valid experiences and they are TRUE!!

Yesterday, however I realized that there is one exception to that rule. There is this person I like very much, I call him OOC. He is a very nice person and I appreciate him greatly and to me he can do no wrong. I realized, however, yesterday that the reason I like him so much because I only ‘see’ his positive aspects. And even when he does stuff that hurt, and it does sometimes so much I cry myself to sleep, but still when I look at him, I only see his positive aspects. J

This taught me, yesterday, that well, I can do this for all people, Mtn, My Old Maybe, my various girlfriends, my workmates... MY FAMILY!!!, especially my family.. it is possible to for me to only ‘see’ their positive aspects only... and it is only that that I will experience... I don’t have to let what is true muddle up my experience...and it will be so much more fun....

Also make peace with who I am and what I am doing... 

4 August 2010

You know something interesting. I have an old almost (Old Almost) that I have been into for the last 14 years and I have always still had a thing for him.  And of late he has been asking me out a lot and most times something happens, and the last time was yesterday evening.  And to be honest it really felt horrible. Really terrible.  I have been hurting and hurting myself over it for a while and I knew that eventually I would feel better about this. I knew that eventually I would feel really good about me about this. And new things are getting better.  I like that things at this second are actually better.

I am learning something else. This moment that I am living in this second... I am in a nice restaurant, the sun is sort of out (very sort of) and I am sitting with my laptop typing this... i have wanted this for a while. It has been one of my favourite subjects for Virtual Reality... and at this second, as I type this, I am living it!!!!!!!! I am really living it. Right now at this second, my current life is something I dreamt up!!! I am wearing bohemian, the shoes, the shirt, I am pretty in this nice hair and nails and the sun is out and I am really really enjoying this second. I am really enjoying this second.  Really really enjoying it, and it is better than in my VR cause here there is a sort of cute and nerdy guy making eyes at me.

So my point is that this stuff works.  And yesterday all that VR that I was doing it was not a mistake. It was the way it was supposed to be. Apparently I can have anything I want. I can have everything I want. I can just max here for a long while and just really enjoy being here. It is good that all this is really good.  I am glad that all this is really good.  Yes, things are the way they are right now, and that is good.

Also I remember thinking earlier today, when I was feeling really bad, and OOC had just finished making me feel unloved, and I was thinking up a rampage about the way this whole crap DOES NOT WORK!!!... and I had a moment of realisation that the reason he could do that is that, I was already feeling that way... though at that moment it didn’t feel particularly funny