4 August 2010

You know something interesting. I have an old almost (Old Almost) that I have been into for the last 14 years and I have always still had a thing for him.  And of late he has been asking me out a lot and most times something happens, and the last time was yesterday evening.  And to be honest it really felt horrible. Really terrible.  I have been hurting and hurting myself over it for a while and I knew that eventually I would feel better about this. I knew that eventually I would feel really good about me about this. And new things are getting better.  I like that things at this second are actually better.

I am learning something else. This moment that I am living in this second... I am in a nice restaurant, the sun is sort of out (very sort of) and I am sitting with my laptop typing this... i have wanted this for a while. It has been one of my favourite subjects for Virtual Reality... and at this second, as I type this, I am living it!!!!!!!! I am really living it. Right now at this second, my current life is something I dreamt up!!! I am wearing bohemian, the shoes, the shirt, I am pretty in this nice hair and nails and the sun is out and I am really really enjoying this second. I am really enjoying this second.  Really really enjoying it, and it is better than in my VR cause here there is a sort of cute and nerdy guy making eyes at me.

So my point is that this stuff works.  And yesterday all that VR that I was doing it was not a mistake. It was the way it was supposed to be. Apparently I can have anything I want. I can have everything I want. I can just max here for a long while and just really enjoy being here. It is good that all this is really good.  I am glad that all this is really good.  Yes, things are the way they are right now, and that is good.

Also I remember thinking earlier today, when I was feeling really bad, and OOC had just finished making me feel unloved, and I was thinking up a rampage about the way this whole crap DOES NOT WORK!!!... and I had a moment of realisation that the reason he could do that is that, I was already feeling that way... though at that moment it didn’t feel particularly funny