My self-love.....

I have never been someone who loves me... I have always loved other people. I have always preferred other people. The more loved they were, the more I preferred them, because I guess I always figured that, if I was them then I would be loved too. I so wanted to be loved. I have always wanted to be loved. Why did I want to be loved, because I thought that if other people loved me, then I would be loveable and then I could love me. I wanted/want to be a spiritual teacher so that other people could value me, love me, so that I could love me...

Then I met Abraham about 3 years ago, just by request.....:-) then tried to listen to what they were saying and when I could not understand I tried what other people were saying about what they were saying, that was easier... you know to which was very cool for me, I got some parts, understand.... then I went back to Abraham and now I could understand better.. but this year, this year has been my year of really trying...

.... and for the first time in a while... ( I don’t know why I say that cause I feel I was here last year for a short while) I am feel a lot of self love for me. I adore me. I think about me and I the thought I feel are warm, they are nice. I haven’t changed much, in fact I have gained a whole lot of weight. But I love me. I actually love me.

This past weekend, I got an invite to spend time with a friend and her friends. It was different for me cause normally, especially with men, I normally don’t know how to be around them... and be normal. But this time I was cool, I actually liked myself. The guy was a guy with a girl, and I thought he was sort of hot, ( which made me revise some of the things I want in a guy) and I was normal around him. His girl was there, and I was cool, I didn’t make a play for him, and I allowed me to be near him, without being totally weird. I liked who I was. I saw photos from the day out and this one is one of them and I love it!!! I really love it. Before I used to hate looking at photos of me, but now I actually love it. I was looking at other photos of me and I thought, they look great!! It is soo wonderful when you think you are great!! Makes for a wonderful day!


Now I am aware this is how normal people are, and this is how normal people behave, but for me it has been a long journey. Now I even love people who through their making my life difficult have brought me here.